6 Reasons To Love/Hate Syllabus Week

1. Education?

Its the first week of classes, which means most of the time you won't have shit to do for at least a week; unless your teacher is an asshole and plans a million assignments to shove into a 10 week period. Attendance is necessary but attention most definitely is not. Facebook stalking is at its peak and everyone wants to see your drunken pictures from Saturday night and your "I got more blacked out than you" posts Sunday morning. The teacher will fill your ears with bullshit threats about absences and makeups, which you snark at because you know they're faulty and can easily be swayed. The syllabus is just like every other one you've received thus far, the only thing that concerns you is the schedule. You'll glance at it, decide you could probably wait a week to start half-ass glancing at the readings and head back to Facebook. You can basically show up to any class this week utterly f**ked up and it won't matter. Music will be on full blast while the peeping just begins.

2. Piece of Cl-ASS

At the beginning of every term there is a sense of curiosity that arises, one that has absolutely nothing to do with your course load. It is not because you are finally done with that horrific philosophy class or because you are excited to learn new material you'll never remember. The excitement stems solely on the new classmates you will be surrounded by...more importantly, the cute ones. Within seconds of sitting in a cold and rundown classroom, you have made your mind up about the entirety of the 10 weeks you will be forced to occupy this place and whether or not you're going to drop it. This once again has absolutely nothing to do with the course itself. You might find this claim to be entirely wrong, but don't kid yourself. If you enter a room that is filled with awkward people and awkward smells, you're definitely going to find another section to attend; one that includes friends and preferably attractive and stimulating people. Scoping out the sexiest person in the room takes seconds, walking over and introducing yourself..ehh 3 minutes give or take a little hesitation, study dates give that a week or 2, and if all goes well you could successfully be banging by week 5. Hello Winter Term.

3. The Untouchables

Similarly, just as quickly as you can spot the most attractive person, you detect the last one you would ever want to be associated with...and looks aren't everything. Every class has that one jackass who thinks they know more than the teacher or just wants to show everyone they have a brain, which they'll most likely be using a lot more than the other organ south of their belt line. These are the people who sit in the front row, ask a million stupid questions that are irrelevant, whom argue with everyone's statements and probably look like they haven't seen a brush or a mirror in days. I'm not sure why they try to compensate for their lack of good hygiene but either way, their crude remarks and annoying personality will surely ruin the class for you...even if you are sitting next to the hottest girl in the room. Whoops. I will also include the possibility of painstakingly having a class with your most hated ex. Have fun.

4. The Gym

Aside from education, this is the only other reason I am here. Although I must admit $20,000+ a year is slightly ridiculous for a piece of paper that proves you are competent enough for a job, I enjoy the perks of higher education, one absolutely being the fitness facilities. State of the art machines and cleanly environments make this one of the most popular places on campus, include the month of January into this equation and EVERYTHING before it is canceled out. For veteran gym rats, the beginning of winter term is one that is especially hated. Every cardio machine is being occupied by some slore trying to reach her new years resolution which she'll break in a week, maybe two if it takes her longer to get some male attention from a horny guy who "loves her just the way she is". Every bench is taken by an enthusiastic bro trying to "bulk up" for Shasta. Every free weight is the hands of someone on the verge of tearing muscles because proper form is in small amounts. What this all equates to is one big ball of frustration for those of us who actually use this facility year round. I will support anyone trying to change their lifestyle, so long as you do not get in the way of my fitness...and right now you are. I'll give it two weeks, and if you're still here then I'll applaud you. Until then, get the f**k out of my way.

5. Bye Bye Loan Money

It goes without being said that the only way to get a decent paying job is to attend college and receive a degree in something, anything for that matter. When the Gods of education decided to make the collegiate level worth more than I am myself, they incoherently also thought paying $600 for textbooks in order to learn was a good idea. Did they not take into consideration that we still need to eat meals occasionally, buy drugs and alcohol to survive, AND pay disgusting amounts for housing amenities? Assholes. I guess I'll skip a few meals so I can get drunk and still pretend to increase my knowledge about subjects I could give 2 shits about.

6. Sweats Are Unacceptable

With the holiday season in the past and credit card balances reaching their limits, everyone comes back to school with new duds and new style. As refreshing as it is to see a campus full of beautiful people, you can't help but complain about the unnecessary items some bitches wear. Heels? Like really? Absolutely not appropriate for class. This is not Los Angeles or New York...you definitely can get away with sneakers, Kardashian wannabe. Guys....do you really need to be wearing a purple Nike shirt, with purple shoes and matching Kobe Dre Beats? Probably not. The only reason we complain about this excessive shit is because they make us feel like a slob. We don't actually care what you accessorize with because we know in a week you'll be wearing sweats, hair tied, chillin' with no makeup on, just as Drake requested. This style is always in, as long as you're in college. Live it. Breath it. Be it. Put that nice shit away until the weekend hits...then you can ruin it with spilled alcohol and vomit.

Happy Syllabus Week.

♥ ,

T