1. When we say to leave us alone...about 98% of the time we don't actually mean it. This only means we want you to try harder. We are just as complex as an a rubiks cube but ten times harder to understand. If you actually leave us alone, you've just started World War III and will soon receive copious amounts of texts explaining how you don't get us. It's okay, we don't get us either.
2. When you say you wish you could bang Alessandra Ambrosio, our first thought is, "Yes, she is a dime piece" and our second is, "But I thought you liked that I ate solids?" Our third is, "Well, I wish you looked like Channing Tatum and had the jaw line of Brad Pitt, but lets be realistic here."
3. We don't like to play video games. If we've just begun dating and we say we do, its only because we want you to sit really close to us and we enjoy how excited you get while explaining your favorite game. This makes us closer on a level that UNO can't provide. We don't actually care what we're supposed to do with the joy stick and which map on MW3 is the most fun. Once we're in a relationship though, we hate video games even more. It takes away from cuddle and romantic comedy movie time. Either way, we still hate video games.
4. We love men who feel the burn, and i'm not talking about herpes. A man who is conscious of his health is extremely attractive. Not only do we love the results but we love watching you work for it. There is something so sexy about a sweaty body and strenuous facial expressions. Ask us what we remember most about our gym trip and it won't be how many calories we burned on the elliptical, but the steamy guy doing shoulder press. Don't believe me? Look around next time after you've completed your set.
5. Don't listen to anything Cosmo has to say about us. Those people have clearly never had intercourse and their advice is entirely incorrect. Do not ever put an ice cube on my breast. Ever.
6. When you meet our families, take out your cubic zirconia earrings, take off your backwards hat and always, always have a firm handshake. Talk like you're in church and never mention us drinking alcohol together. Our fathers have been in college once before (or so we hope) and they know exactly what alcohol and the opposite sex leads to and that is the last thing he wants to picture when first meeting you, or ever for that matter. Oh, and don't bring flowers. Flowers mean you are sorry and yet again our fathers don't want to know what you're sorry about.
You're welcome.
♥,
T
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